Confession time.

 Yup, This is going to be one of those posts where I lay it all out on the line. I'm going to share somethings that I'm not so proud of. I'm going to take off the mask and show you all the not-so-lovely things I try to hide. Brace yourselves, it's not going to be pretty!

  We recently got a new pastor. He is a very Godly man who clearly loves the Lord. He leads a very Godly life from what I can see and what I hear. However, upon meeting him I decided he was a little too much for me. I know. That's awful. It's judgmental. Not christian like at all. I'm not  proud of it.

  For several weeks I sighed and got myself into a bad mood when I knew he would be giving the message (we share a pastor with another church and only see him every second week). I would have myself in such a bad mood I wouldn't even want to go to church. It didn't matter what his message was, I wasn't going to like it. I wasn't going to be able to learn anything from it. End of story. No point in even listening.

  After a few weeks of this I began to feel convicted that I needed a serious attitude adjustment. For the next couple of weeks I tried to go to church with an open mind. Honest, I did. Somehow by the end of the service I was feeling angry and bitter again. This was just not working. I clearly wasn't going to stop going to church, but I couldn't keep going to church the way I was. So I prayed about it. I REALLY prayed about it.

  During the next couple weeks something came to my attention. Through a series of random conversations, none of which were about this situation, these facts were revealed to me. Fact number 1- The things we often dislike in others are often the things we dislike most about ourselves. Fact number 2- If the first ins't true, then perhaps we dislike someone because they reveal to us things about ourselves that we dislike. Often number two is the worst situation, because even though we know it's not a good trait, or habit, we may be comfortable in it and not want to change.

 For me the second was true. Our new pastor has been preaching a lot about becoming more Christ like and living a God centered life. Of course that is always a topic that can step on a few toes. When I really thought about it, if I wanted to admit it or not, my toes were being stomped on. Not by the pastor, but because of the Holy Spirit trying to convict me of some things I needed to work on. Change is never easy, but it's impossible if we resist it.

  This is where another ugly reveal ties in. I've been being a lazy slob. There is pretty much no nice way of saying it. So, I won't beat around the bush. I said it. I've been being a lazy slob. I've had an "I can't" attitude. I had decided that everything was too hard. Balancing the kids and keeping the house tidy (notice I said tidy and not clean, there is a difference, I might have been a slob but I wasn't being dirty ie no dirty floors etc), running errands with the kids, cooking supper etc. Everything just seemed like so much work. Too much work.

  If I could keep the floors swept, basic cleaning done, simple meals cooked and enough laundry run though I was good. Enter my third shameful secret. I could sit on the computer WAY too much. You see, computers are wonderful. You can watch tv shows and movies, chat with your friends, read up on the topic of your choice, shop, bank, facebook and pintrest. That's just the tip of the ice burg. Computers are wonderful inventions. Even better, there are these new smart phones that keep you plugged into all the previously mentioned activities no matter where you are! You NEVER have to be separated from the virtual world that so many of us live in. Ever.

  Starting to sound like an addiction to you? Because it sure started to seem that way to me. I began to realize that if I wasn't on the computer I had my iphone on my person. At all times. I couldn't go more then a few moments without unlocking the screen and doing something, anything. Checking facebook, or browsing pintrest. Googling something,  even just checking the weather. I started to realize when my husband and I were spending time together the computer or my phone were always there, calling to me. Distracting me.

  This addiction to technology was seriously taking over my life. Heck it had become my life. I couldn't spend time with the people in my real life because I was too busy with my virtual one. Having my iphone made it easy to function just enough, while still feeding my addiction. It was taking away from time with my family and pretty much making it impossible for me to spend time with God. I thought about reading my bible, but I was too exhausted when I finally shut down my computer and phone for the night. This is what I was convicted of.

  I love God's sense of humor. I went to church that week with an open heart and mind, for the first time in awhile. The pastor was giving the message that week and for the first time I really listened. No prejudgments. I just listened. The sermon was about identifying and giving up idols in our daily life. Realizing what things have too much power, especially negative power in our life and taking control. I squirmed a little in my seat, but mostly I just felt humbled and ready to give it to God. I was done fighting.

  I wish I could tell you that I was a big enough person to quit cold turkey. To give it all up and walk away. I am not that person. All my friends are online. Since getting married and having children young, I have found it next to impossible to make and keep friends, "real life" ones anyway. I do however have a fantastic number of friends who live all over Canada, the US and beyond. For this reason I needed to learn how to find balance and not let technology run my life.

  I started to pray. I also realized that nothing was going to change if I didn't decide I COULD change. I was setting myself up for failure with my lazy demeanor and negative attitude. I needed to trade that in for a can do attitude. So I did. I started to wake up in the morning and think, "I CAN get this place de-cluttered. I did it once, when it was much worse, and I can do it again". I decided not to get overwhelmed or discouraged. I would just do my best, bit by bit, and get the job done.

  I made myself a to-do list, which, in addition to daily cleaning, includes some time to relax and spend online (but only after my work is done, and much, much less), some time spent with God, and some healthy goals. I like being able to cross things off the list when I'm done. It gives me a lot of satisfaction. I also like looking at the list and seeing devotion time, drink your water, exercise, eat healthy and remember to have fun! It makes those things a priority too. I can very easily go from one extreme to the other. If I don't remember to have fun and relax then I can't be a good mommy to our kids. They need to have some fun time with me each day as well.

 Through prayer and with the help of someone much greater then myself, I'm kicking this addiction one day at a time. My house now looks fantastic, all the cluttered corners are gone. This of course means I'm better able to clean it too! My kids are seeing a positive example and good work ethic. My husband is able to come home after a long work day and relax in a tidy and inviting environment after enjoying a healthy, hearty meal. I feel ten times more sane (a cluttered home is a big depression trigger for me), and I feel a lot healthier too. Being active and not sitting staring at a screen for most of the day has eliminated headaches and given me energy.

  I share all of these things with you because we all struggle, everyday, with our own addictions, character flaws and bad habits. Society as a whole is much more stressed, depressed and burdened then ever before. When your struggling it's so easy to get stuck in a bad rut. To dwell on the negative and become comfortable in how you are or what your doing. Even if your feeling convicted to change it's often much easier to ignore that little voice and keep on living the way you are.

  Easier but not better. I challenge you all to address one issue, be it a habit, trait or addiction in your life. Something you know you should change and maybe even have been meaning to change. With some prayer, the right mindset and some hard work you can make that change. I promise you won't regret it. You've got absolutely nothing to lose by making a positive change. Nothing to lose but much to gain.