Mommy Monday : Reoccurring struggle!

  First of all a quick apology! I just realized I forgot to publish this yesterday! Hope you all enojy it and sorry it's late getting up!

  As parents, we all struggle. There are highs and lows. Sometimes we soar high and are (or at least feel we are) the worlds greatest parents. Other times we fail. We sink so low that we are sure there must not be any parent as awful as us. Last weeks post was about a small victory in my house. This week I'm sharing a struggle.

  We have three children. Three beautiful, healthy, happy, intelligent, amazing children! Three children who are all VERY different. I never want to make any of my children feel like they are the favorite, and I never EVER want any of them to feel that they are the least liked by their mama. Sometimes this is very hard. Not because I favor, or like any of my children more, but because I have different things in common with them. Also their behavior can make it hard.

  That last comment might have confused some of you. Your probably thinking, What?! She doesn't like her kids as much if they misbehave?! That's awful!! Except, that's not what I meant at all. What I meant was, if I'm constantly having to speak to one child over and over about behaviour issues I start to feel really bad. I try to imagine how they must be feeling. They probably see me having fun and laughing and having lots of positive interaction with their siblings and all they are getting from me are stern talks and punishment.

  This is how I have been feeling with Jake this last week. This is actually something I have worried about with Jake a lot since having the girls. Jake is very tenderhearted and sensitive. He was also pretty use to being the only child by the time Lucy came along. When he is getting in trouble a lot, he takes it really hard. There are lots of times I hear "you don't love me, you just like my sisters better!" Of course this breaks my heart because a) I NEVER want him to feel like that, and b) I love him SO much, JUST as much as his sisters.

  I'm really struggling with how to throw some positive into our relationship, while still addressing his negative behavior. Punishments still need to occur to let him know his bad choices and actions are not ok, but he also needs to feel some love and positivity from me. One of the things I think we often forget as parents is what it's like to be a child. Take a moment and remember back to your childhood. Even though you knew deep down in your bones how much your parents loved you, it was very easy to think they didn't love you if they were upset with you. Knowing and feeling are two very different things. Kids feel, and adults think.

  Children don't sit down and think it all through logically. They mostly go with feelings. If you are sharing lots of laughs with them, having fun positive interactions, they feel like a million bucks. They feel loved, and important. If your constantly yelling at them (I know none of US ever do such a things right?! ;) Punishing them and generally having to be the bad guy, they feel really bad, angry and unloved.

  So back to my dilemma. How do I laugh, have fun and share some great positive time with Jake when I'm having to be the bad guy? When I have to enforce punishments, ie: tell him he can't go to visit his Nanny, or play with the toy he lost because of his bad behavior etc? Sounds simple, but all you parents know it's not! It's not only the kids that get the negative feelings, it's us parents too. It's so easy to start to feel hopeless and discouraged about your relationship with your kids.

  I read a wonderful book a while a go all about the love languages of your kids. I realized that Jake feels love thought quality time. Every child's love language is different. If Jake is not getting some quality one on one time, he feels un important and not loved. Even small things like asking him to wait a minute for me to get him something while I do something for one of his sisters first, really makes him feel bad. He needs time. My time.

  I'm not suggesting that I should drop everything and cater to his every whim. On the contrary, he needs to learn that sometimes others needs are more pressing. He does however, still need his turn in coming in first. This goes a long way to helping our relationship. I'm going to try and do a better job of giving him his turn to be first, and of spending some quality time each day with him, doing something we both love. I've thought about it and come up with a few activities we both love. Baking, reading, watching movies and playing games.

  It is my mission over the next few weeks to incorporate some of these activities into our day. Also to have even 20 minutes of quality time, even if that's just reading bedtime stories and doing his bible lesson or chatting about his day. I'm also going to start to pray for our relationship, because since this has been a worry and struggle of mine for awhile, I think I need some Divine intervention. Seriously though, I do think that spending some extra time in prayer specifically for Jake and for our relationship will benefit us a lot.

  Being a mommy is tough! Loving our kids, but not indulging them. Punishing them, but not breaking them. Encouraging them and lifting them up, but not filling them with so much pride that they become self entitled and "ruined". It's a hard juggling act. But God made us Mothers for a reason. He know that only we could love and care for our children in this way and carry out the fine juggling act. With that in mind, I know I can do this!